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. " He grinned. "I can feel why, I mean!"Wonderful! Hooked and helpless!"Aren't you also glad to be taking girl pills?" I asked, standing up,twirling my hips a bit flirtatiously. "Didn't I tell you your boobieswould soon grow more responsive to our lips and fingertips, yours andmine both?" He nodded, looking at me a bit yearningly.I'd told him they were pills girls take to feel more confident aboutthemselves. But they weren't just 'girl pills.' The pills Margot hadgiven me were the heavy duty kind taken by young girls with severehormonal deficiencies to assure their proper development into youngwomen, and by transsexuals with boys' bodies who want girls' bodies."Very heavy duty," she'd told me. "You'll notice another effect too.They'll make him less aggressive, if he ever was. A bit morecompliant." She said this with a conspiratorial smile. "If he wasalready sweet, concerned for you and all, he'll get to be much moreso.These pills cut way back on testosterone production, you. My heart breaking for the young man that doesn’t believe his life is worth living, for a gentle man with so much to offer so many, that doesn’t want to live this life. An end seems inevitable, and I’m not strong enough to stop it. I ask him to seek help from someone, something stronger than me. He doesn’t believe it will help. He doesn’t rant and rave, he quietly accepts this as his happiness. It is what he wants. He apologizes to me for God bringing me into his life when He did. I thank God. His mother thanks me, and God, for coming around when I did. Like I’m supposed to make a difference. Like knowing him fulfills my divine mission in this lifetime. I hope in some small way I have helped, I hope in some small way I’ve shed some light in his dark world. I spend time with him, and look into his deep brown eyes. Sometimes lit with laughter, other times shuttered and shaded and filled with pain. I’ve seen the glint of tears more than once. And all I want to do is hold him, cradle him.
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